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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in i_went_2_jail's LiveJournal:

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Monday, February 27th, 2006
4:51 pm
JFK The Famous "Italian" President (Transferred from Myspace)
I just thought this was funny and thought I'd share. So as I'm sitting in my sociology class, we were discussing different immigrant groups to the US and how they've assimilated differently. At which time one of my fellow students starts talking about how well John F. Kennedy and his family assimilated, when they migrated from Italy. We all stare at each other, however, the unspoken look was "ok, the guy just misspoke, he meant Ireland". So he keeps going on, talking about his Catholic heritage, and then once again mentions that being Italian and all his family naturally settled in an Italian neighborhood in Brooklyn. By this point the hands start flying up around the room, and the teacher stops and tries to ask him if he meant "Ireland" and in "Massachusetts" and he argues "No, I mean Italy and Brooklyn". So as we basically re-educate the guy about the Kennedy's for the next 45 minutes, all I basically wanted to know is where he was from and what school he went to. I mean seriously "Italian". The kicker to the whole thing was when the final thing he said was, "Well, who would have thought he was Irish, with such an Italian sounding name?" I literally about fell out of my chair. I mean I wonder with my last name of Kelley, where he thanks my family hailed from........Norway?
4:50 pm
The Drag Show (Transferred from my Myspace)
So no shit, there we were. The Upside Down Town. Had never, ever been to a Drag Show before and decided that what a great night for a first. So my friends and I, a very mixed group indeed, set out to the bar. I didn't really know what to expect when we got inside. However, the first thing I noticed was the inordinate number of incredibly hot women in the place. At which I couldn't help but think, huh? so this is where they've been hiding. Second off was obviously the Drag Show itself. A friend of mine Jasmine was on the stage. Absolutely one of the most convincing women I'd ever seen. I still can't get over how much like a women he looked. Anywho though, he had on this whole Queen of Hearts looking costume which was completely over the top, which made her performance that much better. I swear the whole thing was like living in a British sitcom. It was just so over the top it was cool. So then the best part of the night was the drinks. Since it was my birthday, I only bought one drink the whole evening. Jasmine and her roommate Derek aka Aida, bought me drinks. My friend Bryan, also pretty much kept me in shots and a friend of mine from high school Melissa was the bartender, so she kept them coming. Anyway, it was a good time to say the least, and I'm actually glad I went. I've already told my mom, that we're going to drag her to one of the shows sometime, and I've also got a few friends who are interested in checking it out also. Like I said, it's not for everyone, but as long as your going in to have a good time, and you're not a prude. It's a fucking blast
4:49 pm
My 30th B'day......Transferred from my Myspace
So, its my 30th birthday. yeah!

What I've learned so far, is this. We are never going to be able to live up to anyones expectations including our own.

I'm 30 years old now, and it still amazes me how many people that I'm related to and who should know me the best haven't got the slightest idea about who I really am. Furthermore, I find that a relief on some level, cause if they did, they would be seriously disappointed, and I do mean seriously.

I've discovered that religion as a whole, is a complete waste of time and its only purpose is to keep us scared and constantly second guessing ourselves in every single decision we make. We totally remake ourselves into something a 1500 year old dogma tells us that we should be. Don't mind the fact that this organization has single handedly killed more people in the name of God than I can even comprehend, and yet I try to live in a mold that a bunch of corrupt old men from before the DARK ages tells me is holy and right........................WTF!

I've learned if you mix politics and religion, alot of really stupid people can get into some insanely powerful positions.

I've learned that no matter how much good you've done in your life, the only thing people will remember is the bad shit. They will find something to persecute you for, and make you feel worthless every chance they get.

I've learned to never judge anybody buy how rich or poor they look. The rich will be cheap and the poor will do anything to help anyone out.

and finally, I've learned that life is a whole lot more entertaining if you hang out with the outcasts. They are nicer, more understanding, and a hell of alot more fun
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
10:19 am
Buckle 007
So no shit, there I was. In the middle of the shit, deep behind the lines at University Mall. Not just any other day, but my first day, on the floor at (bum, bum, bum) "The Buckle". (Pause for dramatic tension)

......Carbondale, Illinois 09 Jan. 2006

As I practice the fine art of precision folding, without a board. I see my first victim......we shall call her Paula003. Paula003 thinks she is clever, walking into my store with that "No seriously, I'm just looking stare on her face" however, Paula003 doesn't realize she has just met her match in the art of "Conversational Jujitsu". After a little sparring back in forth with some conversational niceties, I Buckle007 go in for the kill with a lethal move known as the "So, how was your weekend?", Paula007 crumbles under the pressure of the "SHWYW" as she proceeds to spill her guts about her miserable weekend, involving cheating boyfriend aka Asshole480 and the police officer aka Reno911, who gave her a speeding ticket as she left her boyfriends house. So, I Buckle007 without pause, sooth her frazzled nerves and show her just how to shop through the experience with a $100.00 worth of new clothes. Paula003 leaves happier and more secure in herself, and Buckle007 earns a small commission.

However, Paula003 isn't so easily beaten. She still has one trick up her sleave. She comes back later in the day accusing Buckle007 of being unable to properly accesorize her. (BANG) Buckle007 takes a hit, however springs back from the floor bearing the proper shade and size of the perfect mocha colored belt to match her knit sweater hoodie and lace cami. Buckle007 starts to bask in his comeback, as 003 goes for the kill. "Well, if you want to meet me and my friends at the bar later here is were we're gonna be and here is my number!" Paula003 states. Buckle007 is confused, stunned by this totally audacious move. Did she actually use the power of the credit card and an accesory to bring our hero down? How could she have known this move would leave our hero so lost and confused?

Knowing good and well, he'd met his match, Buckle007 quickly pushes the number in his pocket (a hard pill to swallow, indeed) of the very pleasant Paula003. He pushes through the sale as quickly as possible, and just tries to move on. Without mention of the number. However 007's boss saw the transaction and quickly informs him that its against store policy to accept numbers, but it is ok to tell them when you get off shift so the transfer can still happen. 007 makes it perfectly clear, he didn't want the number and was just freaked out cause he didn't know what to do and just tried to push through. The Boss, then proceeds to make fun of the situation, and all go home happy, if not slightly embarresed.

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Friday, January 6th, 2006
4:47 pm
School, Job and Dim wittedness
Today, I started off by going to change all my classes at the college. I'm very happy now. I only have one semester left at community college and then I'll be back at Southern Illinois University. Plus I've actually got some interesting classes now. Then I went for training at my new job. I'm going to do better at this than I thought. It seems I actually have people skills after all, or at least I do after I drop all the "shits, fucks and damns". However, for as much fun as I think I'm going to have at this store, I know deep down most of the pleasure is going to be derived from the fact that I'm laughing on the inside at most of the customers...........is that bad? According to my friend Melissa who worked at a book store, quietly laughing at the customers is pretty much the standard. I've learned all kinds of exciting things about jeans. Whiskered vs. sandblasted or pinched vs. destroyed. It was all mildly amusing. Well I locked my keys in my car earlier and mom is going to take me to pick it up now. Gotta go.

Current Mood: happy
Tuesday, January 3rd, 2006
6:00 pm
I GOT A JOB!!!!!
Ok, I honestly can't think of a person less suited to sell cloths than me. However I'm now officially in the business of selling pre-trashed $80.00 per pair jeans now. Can you just picture my first customer? "Hi, my name is Aaron, just let me know if I can help you find anything, or any size". Nice opener, right? So I'll go stand behind the counter as she shops to notice my 250lb "petite" customer is picking up crop tops. "Uhm, mam? excuse me, mam? we have that in a full length version, with vertical instead of horizontal strips and in gray and black as opposed to pink and yellow....would you like to see that one?" hint, hint. I so don't need to count on commission to boost me up to minimum wage. I'll be lucky if I don't get fired and sued for defamation of character or something worse. Oh well, if anything it should be fun.

Outside of that I watched a HoG video today, that just brightened my whole life. I loved to hear Ameranth moan about the warm food not in her belly. I was also particularly fond of her "I'm Hungry" dance, or shuffle whatever. Then Frantics narrative on the Vagina candle was highly entertaining. Oh the joys of knowing the HoG.

Current Mood: chipper
Monday, January 2nd, 2006
7:23 pm
The first of the year post
So, so far this civilian thing isn't all its cracked up to be. I haven't been able to find a job. The money I made off of selling my house is about gone and my GI bill isn't supposed to kick in for another month or so. This is fucking great. However on a happier note, I did tell everyone to go fuck themselves, that I don't like weather forecasting, I don't want to be a weatherman, and I refuse to go to school for it so they should just drop it and I'm happy to say I think I finally reached them. I've decided to steer my classes in the direction of journalism. I'm a news junkie, I love to travel and am more than capable of taking care of myself in the shittiest and austere locations in the world. I love politics, I love current events, and I always want to be in the places that the unthinkable happens, good and bad. I know, I know, I'm not the most talented writer in the world, but I do believe that will come in time, with plenty of practice. Furthermore, not to downplay many of the journalists I've met over the last few years talents, but I do believe they tend to miss some of the better stories that are standing right in front of them. So hopefully this will be a calling for me.

New Years Eve was awesome. Had a great party at the barn. Melissa called and our marriage is back on again in 5 or 10 years, or something like that...lol. I really do think if we reproduced we would bring into this world a superior race. I mean our kids would have to already be smart and ridiculously good looking, geesh.

Well that all for now, I need to get back to getting turned down for menial jobs.

Current Mood: anxious
Monday, November 28th, 2005
6:22 pm
So here it is. The day I'd been waiting for. I am now officially "Mr. Aaron W. Kelley" again. Yeah.....however that means I'm also officially "Mr. Unemployed, Mr. Uninsured, and Mr. Broke" at least till I get the check from selling my house. I keep telling myself that the real world isn't going to suck, however I'm off to a rocky road here.

Current Mood: drained
6:21 pm
My Crew
You scored as Serenity (from Firefly). You like to live your own way and do not enjoy when anyone but a friend tries to tell you that you should do different. Now if only the Reavers would quit trying to skin you.

Coming on December 1, 2005:

Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? The Sequel


Serenity (from Firefly)


Galactica (from Battlestar: Galactica)


SG-1 (from Stargate)


Bebop (from Cowboy Bebop)


Enterprise D (from Star Trek)


Millennium Falcon (from Star Wars)


Nebuchadnezzar (from The Matrix)


Moya (from Farscape)


Your Ultimate Sci-Fi Profile: which sci-fi crew would you best fit in? (pics)
created with QuizFarm.com
Monday, November 7th, 2005
10:47 am
Racquetball, CIF and Category 7: the end of the world
I got my ass, handed to me this morning at racquetball. Exciting shit I know, but I was disappointed. I normally win. I hate losing, cause I always win, and I'm a much better athlete than the dude that beat me. Damn him, damn him all to hell for bruising my fragile ego. Outside of that, I'm spending my day cleaning up gear to turn into the Central Issuing Facility (CIF for Frantic). I loath the little rays of sunshine that work over there. They haven't exactly got a happy disposition. Of course if I had to do what they do and work in the dungeon they work in, I guess I wouldn't be happy either. Oh yeah, and real quick for the weather geeks (aka Melissa).....did you see the first installment of "Category 7: The End of the World" last night? It was hands down the stupidest movie I've ever seen. I want to know exactly what scale these category 7 storms are being measured on. The funny thing is, within 2 minutes of the start of the movie I knew it was retarded, yet I seemed committed to finishing this movie. Come hell or high water. Thats all for now.

Current Mood: rushed
Friday, November 4th, 2005
1:31 pm
VA Home Loans
So no shit.....I'm in the process of selling my house and thought to myself, "Self....you ought to wash the roof, it will make the house sell faster" so I wash the roof. It looks a million times better, however like anytime you wash a roof water does get under the shingles for a short time but it dries quickly, and no harm done. No big thing right? Well, apparently not. The VA Home loan inspector is trying to say the roof leaks now. It doesn't.....if the roof leaks, that would normally mean there is....hum, a leak somewhere. Which there is not. Oh yeah, and he marked electrical outlets as not working even though I use them every day. About the only thing that he did say was wrong with the house that I actually find somewhat true, is he reported mold under the house. Now I haven't went under there yet to check it out, but I can believe that being as I live in a valley next to a river. What an asshole.

Current Mood: discontent
Thursday, November 3rd, 2005
2:26 pm
Yeah, I passed 8th Grade Math
You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 9/10 correct!
2:18 pm
My Age
You Are 21 Years Old
2:13 pm
I Passed the Test
You Passed the US Citizenship Test

Congratulations - you got 10 out of 10 correct!
2:06 pm
I'm a B-List Movie Star
You&apos;re Seth Gecko, you bastard.
Fun at the Titty Twister.

Which B-Movie Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
Friday, October 28th, 2005
2:04 pm
An Observer's Comments from Mt. Washington
Everyone.....I know not everyone is a "weather nerd". However this guy is fuckin' hysterical. The way he goes on about the little brown mouse that saves the day, sounds like a childrens book. Enjoy......

Summit Conditions as of 1:34 PM EST
25.8°F Wind
W20 MPH Gust

Observer's Comments:

11:36 PM Thu Oct 27, 2005 EDT

Another night on the rockpile...
When Mount Washington state park manager Mike Pelchat walked into the Observatory this morning and asked if I wanted to ski down the auto road to get the snow tractor, I was thrilled. I immediately readied my gear and was out front ready to go in 10 minutes.

We started down the road cautiously as the winds were in the 40’s with close to zero visibility. We encountered snow drift after snow drift. It was like skiing on an ocean of waves. The light was very flat, and my eyes could not pick up any definition of the snow surface. It was very slow going for a while. Once we were out of the cloud we found some nice smooth snow and could actually ski at this point. Now we were having fun! We reached halfway, where the snow tractor was parked, loaded up our gear and started up the road.

The ride up turned into a bigger adventure than the ski down. Going back and forth, and back and forth, Mike was plowing out all the drifts and showing them who was boss. The visibility was deteriorating, and for most of the trip up we could barely see 10 feet in front of us. A little brown mouse lent a helping hand and was walking in our path ahead of the snow tractor giving the snow surface at least some contrast. This went on for about 30 feet but it was nice while it lasted. Thank you little brown mouse! Just to give you an idea of how many drifts were on the road, it took us 4 hours to go 4 miles and finally reach the top.

After being stuck up here an extra 2 days, it looks like shift change will finally take place tomorrow morning thanks to the efforts of many, now that the road has been leveled, and all the downed trees have been cleared. I’m looking forward to going home and resting my shoveling muscles and getting some rest. What a week it has been!

Kyle Paddleford - Summit Intern

Current Mood: bored
Friday, June 10th, 2005
8:18 am
First Post in a while
Haven't posted forever. I'm still sitting in Savannah, GA. I've been here for a week with pretty much not a thing to do. I drove up to Hilton Head Island, SC and went to the beach. I've never seen so many Beemers, Mercedes and Lexus' in my life. I could actually feel the people looking down on me and my Mitsubishi. Today I'm driving down to St. Augustine, FL to visit some friends. In Savannah itself, I've went on a couple ghost tours. I've also went to the Bonaventure Cemetary from "Midnight, In the Garden of Good and Evil". The story sucked, but the cemetary was cool. Anywho, Savannah is just a really cool city, and it weren't for the insane humidity it would be awesome. Well, gotta git for now. Ciao.

Current Mood: scared
Thursday, October 28th, 2004
12:56 pm
A Few Thoughts
So, haven't posted in a while. But just wanted to get on here and relay a couple thoughts.....

First off in the words of Forrest Gump "I may not be a smart man", however I'm finding out daily than I'm alot smarter than a whole hell of a lot of my fellow humans.

Being the good weather ninja that I am, I informed friends and co-workers about the impending lunar eclipse, assuming that most people knew the just of it, what was happening, how long it took, etc., etc., etc. OK, can you say wronggggg. At the approrpriate time of the eclipse I go make a walk around to remind everyone, just in case anyone was particularly interested, as I go outside I find about 20 people staring at the sky. At which point I hear, someone ask, "so this really cool, but can you make it hurry up"......like I, as the weather ninja can speed the inter-planetary movement of the moon and Earth around the sun. I proceed to tell them no, depsite all my weather ninjaing abilities I can't speed it up.....only to be followed up with the next most obvious question, "well how long does this whole process take, I'm hungry and I have to go to the bathroom." You would have thought I ended the party of the year when I informed my friends that it would take around an hour to go into total eclipse, spend an hour in eclipse and take about an hour to come out of it. Most of the folks were under the assumption that it took about 3 minutes to go full cycle. So that being said, if you assumed that since it take roughly 3 weeks to cross the Atlantic by boat, that it might take more than 3 minutes for the shadow of Earth to cross the moon....consider yourself edgi-ma-cated.

To my next thought, for those of my White Magic, Wiccan compadres out there (and you know who you are) I was just wondering if you were doing anything special to celebrate Samhain? I as a good Catholic, will go trick or treating in my head since much to my surprise I'm not currently in a place that Trick or Treating is allowed.

Oh yeah, and one last thought, you want to talk about entering strange days. Let's see in the last year, it has snowed in the Serenghetti, Martha Stewart is in Jail, Florida was about wiped off the face of the map, we had total planetary alignment, and the Boston Red Sox and a lunar eclipse happen on the same night.........I'm afraid

Current Mood: amused
Monday, October 25th, 2004
6:08 am
I am Knightrider?
What 80's Male TV Star Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla

Current Mood: contemplative
Sunday, October 17th, 2004
4:13 am
N'Sync Saves the Day
Today, since I'm so limited about what I can actually write in here, have decided to start jotting down some of my favorite things, memories, music, stuff in general that makes me feel good. That being said, sense The Shuffleboard Queen (SBQ) turned me on to Livejournal, I decided to start with one of many favorite, SBQ and I memories.

So no shit, there we were, driving through the Kentucky countryside after spending a useless afternoon screwing around in the Pennyrile State Park. Nothing particularly special about the day, but it was a good day, for an evening in Kentucky anyway.

So we're heading down some state highyway, lip synching and pointlessly dancing along to....no shit, N'SYNC re-enacting the commercial for Darren's Dance Grooves at which time we come to one of my favorite lines of the song that happened to be left out of the final cut of the album.....it went something like this...

(Dancing Stupidly) "Ain't no lie, baby, bye, bye holy shit look it's a tornado"

At which time I proceed to try and drive off the road cause I'm not paying attention. Well naturally neither one of our cell phones work. So I suggest we do the unthinkable....pull over to someones house and ask if we can use theire phone. OK, in any other state in the union this may not be a big deal, bello, we're in backwoods Kentucky here.

So we find a safe looking trailer, actually it was a double wide or some sort of modular as I remeber, and we proceed to knock on the door. Trying to be as professional as I can (definitely more professional than I really am) I have my credentials out (my military id) and explain to her that we are meteorologist at Campbell Army Airfield and we've just spotted a tornado, and that we'd really like to use her phone if it's at all possible. OK, I have to admit, calling us meteorologist is stretching it a little, but it was an emergency. Son anyway, she was on the phone, but she generously hung up with cousin Mildred to let us use it.

Anyway, the call goes through to Campbell and we get a genius on line who is treating me like he has no idea who I am and proceeds to tell me I need to call the National Weather Service.....I'm like listen Mo-Lo, you frickin dim wit, it's me....doh. So they take down the info, a warning is issued and the (SBQ) and I consider ourselves the shit, cause we know we are.

But just think, if it wasn't for Darren and his Dance Grooves, and N'SYNC, we may have never looked out the driver's side window and seen the twister.

Current Mood: weird
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